


Master of My Fate, Captain of My Soul

by Analog78



Category: Terminator (Movies), Terminator Dark Fate, Terminator: Dark Fate
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-01-27 12:22:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21392089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Analog78/pseuds/Analog78
Summary: Exploration of Grace and Dani's relationship and how they got to where they were.
Relationships: Grace & Dani Ramos, Grace/Dani Ramos
Comments: 24
Kudos: 163





	1. Chapter 1

The sound of muffled adult voices and an occasional child’s shout bled through the concrete walls. Out of range for normal humans, the resonances were still audible to Grace’s enhanced audio receptors. Supply raids were always a calculated risk, but based on the excitement she was hearing, this run had been worth it. 

The anonymous tipoff had been dead on. Her unit had managed to bring back a full cargo load of MREs, some much needed medical supplies, and a small cache of weapons from an abandoned survivalist camp. Most importantly, they had taken injuries but no casualties. 

Grace closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She lay in the darkness of her quarters, formerly the mechanical room of Zone 5 C’s underground bunker. One scarred hand was resting lightly on her stomach, the other lay at her side. Her bunkmates were still getting checked out in medical. She had gotten off relatively easy in comparison. 

While the rest of the squad loaded supplies into the transport’s cargo bay, the augments had held back two Rev Three hounds. Metal monstrosities the size of a mastiff, they roamed the ruins and signaled Hunter Seekers when they flushed out survivors. 

During the attack, one of the hounds had slunk under Roger’s covering fire, but Grace had managed a sliding tackle, holding it down before it could leap into the transport. Its extended claws had shredded the gauntlet off her right arm, and she had barely managed to twist out of its grip. Jackson had joined her, and after they manhandled the machine onto its stomach, she had slammed the butt of her EMP torch into its memory core. 

Right as the transport had been taking off, the surviving hound leapt into the open cargo bay door and ripped three gashes deep into Roger’s thigh. Again, working together, she and Jackson managed to throw it back out, but not before Jackson’s hands and arms had gotten pretty badly mauled. Luckily, the wounds were all flesh and mesh. Being augments, they’d be squared away in a few days. 

With her eyes still closed, Grace checked the surface of her right hand, lightly tracing her fingertips over the skin and confirming what her bioscan feedback was reporting to her retinal interface. The skin had repaired itself and she was back to fully operational status with a 25% reduction in energy capacity. First thing tomorrow, she needed to toss back another insulin and benzodiazepine cocktail. Then, new duty rotations and transfer to her next assignment. She began powering down her sensory input nodes until she finally fell into an at-rest state.

No matter who you were or where you were posted, it was a luxury to have space of any kind. Even the Commander had installed two extra sets of curtained bunks in her quarters. Typical. Her people insisted that she have her own quarters, and Dani used the opportunity to provide exhausted officers and civilians some private shuteye. 

Space was a luxury, but it wasn’t necessarily an honor. The augments assigned to Z5C had been given their own room ostensibly due to unpredictable duty hours and the room’s close proximity to the entrance bay. While perfectly valid, the actual reason was the bunker community’s discomfort with augments. 

Once the technology had become viable, the Commander had made it clear that augments were, of course, no different from the men and women they had been before. They were human. Of course they were. And yet, they were _machine_. And anyone who had seen a loved one die at the hands of a machine couldn’t help their visceral response to knowing Grace, Roger, and Jackson had all signed up to become more metal, less flesh. 

Just as everyone slept a little sounder in Z5C knowing a trio of augments was holding the door, everyone in the Army, both the militia and the newly official Corps, was grateful to have augments take point in a firefight. But once the flash and boom was over, the regulars tended to keep to themselves. At most, they’d spare a side glance for the medic team patching up or stabilizing the augments. And the augments were always getting patched up. First into the fire, last to pull out, it’s what they had signed up for, after all. The loneliness, maybe not so much. 

Grace didn’t necessarily blame people, but after she understood how the augmentations had transformed her humanity as well as her body, she couldn’t help but feel a bitter edge of melancholy. After the operation, had she changed on the inside? It seemed like it didn’t matter what the answer was, as long as everyone else believed she had. After all, how could she not? Self-healing replicant skin, reinforced bone casing, organic muscular mesh sheathing, bionetting microprocessors, and endocrine adrenaline boosters had altered every physical experience of her life. 

The Commander might have her heart in the right place with all her talk, but the reality was nobody else saw it the same way. Sure as shit, the Commander’s belief was what made everyone willing to follow her into the mouth of hell and back. But just as pure and sure as that shit was, it didn’t mean everyone actually believed what she said half the time. Maybe not even the Commander.

Sixteen years after hearing Dani challenge a ragtag bunch of thieves and a scavenger to fuck fate, Grace knew more than anything else how belief could keep someone alive just as much as it could get them killed. Now, as an augment, she also knew how belief could make a person less human. Skin color, religion, or swinging tits or a dick—thank God she was too young to really know how those things used to matter. On a planet where 9 out of 10 people had been wiped out, none of the old prejudices registered. Instead, it was just this, being metal. And just like every augment she’d ever met, Grace cared fuck all if anyone had any real problem with her enhancements. As far as she was concerned, it wasn't the enhancements that made her different. By volunteering in the first place, she had simply always _been_ different. But for all that, it didn’t make the separation, of being _seen_ differently sting any less.

She took another meditative breath. Even with her auditory node powered down, she could hear the growing murmur outside the door as people continued to unpack and sort out supplies and provisions. With one last breath, Grace time stamped it into her long-term memory before settling into passive observation and the closest thing she had to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The low hum of the mag light train faded into silence as it pulled up to the landing platform. Grace kept her eyes leveled as she continued to scan the passengers from the periphery of her vision. The front of her car held new recruits and a few returning residents. Near the rear, veterans were clustered in small units, holding onto roof straps or leaning against the train walls. She readjusted the handles of her duffel bag, settled the weight more evenly over her right shoulder, and readied for the exit.

_ “Last stop, New Haven. Please mind the gap while exiting the train.” _

As she stepped onto the platform, Grace felt her body relax for the first time in months. It felt good to be back home, to see the familiar dim lights and rough-hewn rock walls of the cavernous bay. Eleven years ago, she had been part of a construction crew leading excavations deeper into the bowels of what had once been the Iron Mountain storage facility site. The vast compound had held thousands of square footage of government and corporate records, along with hundreds of computer storage banks. The newly formed Army Corps had slowly transformed those storage rooms into dormitories, and eventually into a networked warren of residential areas connected to the training rooms, comm centers, equipment bays, and labs needed for a fully functional resistance headquarters. 

In those early days, when everyone had been focused on survival, Dani had insisted they also focus on rebuilding a community. It had seemed a little ludicrous at times, her determination that former accountants and office managers brush off their skills, compared to the more obvious need to recruit and train up doctors and soldiers, but Dani had been right. It had given people back their identity, and for the lost and wandering, it had been a kind of homecoming. New Haven had become the thriving heart of the resistance because life was about more than just surviving.

“Grace!”

Grace turned to her right and peered over the heads of the disembarking crowd. Five yards away and closing in, she registered two of New Haven’s tech geniuses. She gave a little smile at the sight of Finn’s disheveled mess of frizzy black hair and Miriam’s distinctive bottleneck glasses. They were the same as always, Miriam as prim and polished as Finn was casual.

“What are you two doing here?”

“We aren’t supposed to come out to welcome old friends? What kind of dick move you accusing us of, Collingsworth?” asked Finn.

“Yeah, and who do you think sent in the requisition for your next post?” asked Miram, without missing a beat.

“You two?”

“Nah, just fucking with you. Or are we?” Miriam said with a sly raise of her brow. “But like Finn said, we aren’t no kind of cabrón. Friends come in, we come out, verdad? Now, you gonna just stand there or what?”

Grace shook her head and gave Miriam a one-armed hug. Then she turned to give Finn a solid shoulder slap. These two always made it easy for her. She hadn’t seen them in over a year and it felt better than she would have guessed, seeing their faces.

“It looks like I’m bunked in Medbay 3. After my medical debrief, maybe you guys are free to catch up later tonight? I was hoping to check in with Marco, too.”

“Sounds good. Anyone else you’d like to invite?” asked Finn.

_Dani_. “No. Just low key and old friends.”

“You got it.”

As they walked through the rat’s maze of interconnecting tunnels, Grace marveled at the calm order and focused energy emanating from the people around her. In the outer Zones, people were building out bunkers and equipping them with tech and transport hubs, but there was still a scratch and scrabble feel to it all. A terminator hunting squad was never far from anyone’s minds. Here, Iron Mountain was _secure_ in a physical sense that bled over into everyone’s mental space too. Maybe too, it was another effect of the Commander.

“So, how was the train ride? The weather outside was good, I presume?” Finn asked.

Grace gave him the side eye and scoffed.

“Hey, just making polite conversation. It goes something like this.” Finn jumped ahead a few feet before turning and dramatically exclaiming, “Miriam, I haven’t seen you in forever! How are you doing?” He waved at Miriam to continue the conversation.

“Ok, Finn’s being an ass, but I happen to agree with him. Some chitchat is good, you know? It helps us think, ‘Oh, Grace is ok. She isn’t, like, fucked in the head, or some shit like that.’”

“I’m fine. Just another tour in the zones. Fragged terminators, supported units. The train was fine. Weather was ok.” Grace shrugged, holding onto her silence until she caught Miriam’s worried gaze. “Seriously, I’m fine. Chitchat’s a two-way street. How about what’s been happening here?”

The rest of the walk, Miriam and Finn traded off updates on hook ups, engagements, and the debate over biomass enzyme additives in the chow. It was all the utmost mundane shit, and Grace was both comforted and amused by the pair’s animated stories. There was more evidence of the Commander too—a few passageway tunnels she had never seen before, new safety paneling, and signage. Grace shook her head in wonder at the last addition. Printed signs, it really was a whole new world. She tamped down her urge to ask about these changes, not wanting to interrupt Finn’s pantomime of eating sawdust flavored chickpeas that turned to paste in your mouth, but which also happened to hold a half day’s ration of nutrients. 

When they arrived at the entrance to Medbay 3, Grace dropped her bag to give each of them an enveloping hug. When she stepped back, she could feel a twinge in her gut. She hadn’t been sure about how she’d feel, coming back to New Haven after the way she had left. So she had been enhanced. Maybe it didn’t have to change everything. Not if people like Miriam and Finn were in her life.

“Thanks for walking me over, guys,” Grace said, her voice a little gravelly.

“It’s really good to see you, chica,” Miriam said with a little wave of her hand.

“Yup, like she said. Wait, you’re not gonna cry now, are you?” asked Finn.

“No, but I’m about to kick your ass.”

*****

After Miriam and Finn left, Grace picked up her duffel and walked through the double doors of Medbay 3. It was one of New Haven’s two medical facilities specifically dedicated to the checkup, rehab, and pre-op training of first gen augments. Service had vastly improved in the year she’d been gone. The front desk attendant had her bag whisked away to her quarters and she was led to an examination room where a nurse took her vitals. She had never been keen on doctor’s offices before the operation, and now she could hardly stand them. Being prodded and measured, she felt like a medical monkey, in part because she was one. Sitting on a table in a powder blue gown she didn’t even bother to tie back, Grace ran through a set of breathing exercises to calm down.

At the time of her augmentation, they had relied on reverse engineering a Rev Two’s thorium reactor core for a power source. An augment’s strength and speed were impressive, but at full throttle, humans lasted a bare five minutes before their bodies cycled through their natural adrenal chemical reserves and required a jump-start from a medical cocktail. Eventually, the techs had engineered a drug regiment that augments in the field could inject like junkies on speed. Even still, the short baseline activation window meant that veteran first gen soldiers were a bit of a rarity. It was too easy to run out of juice, and it took an unholy combination of experience and luck for augments to stay alive and support the units they were assigned to. 

The battle induced highs and lows were hell on the body, which was why over in Medbay 2, they were in the last stages of fine tuning solar cells to circumvent the reactor tech’s reliance on biochemical feedback. If successful, the next gen of augmented soldiers would be equipped to sustain a fight against terminators, and maybe even turn the tide against Legion. That was the hope at least. 

Grace’s reverie was interrupted by a soft knock on the door. As the door opened, she saw the tall figure of another friend from the early militia days walk through.

“Sergeant Collingsworth?” Marco asked with a knowing smile.

“Marco! I thought you were still working in Med 2? I was planning to head over after the exam to see if you were in.”

Grace hopped off the table and gave the older man a hug, appreciating the fact that his height meant she wouldn’t have to bend down and expose any more of her ass to the air. 

“I received a dispensation to check in on you. Doctor patient privilege.” Marco held up a tablet and waved her back to the table before sitting down on a stool. “I know how much you like offices, so I’ll make this as quick and painless as possible.”

Grace nodded gratefully and took a seat back on the table. Same old Marco. No bullshit, just straight to the point.

“I know you go through a med check after every mission debrief. The one-year checkup is going to be intense, but you’ve seen most of it before in bits and pieces. For the next two weeks, we’ll be reviewing all your mission logs and health records. Of course, we’re also testing your physio reaction levels. Somewhere in there, you’ll begin a series of psych debriefs where it is highly encouraged that you be honest about your mental state. Clear?” Marco looked straight into Grace’s eyes and held his gaze steady until she shrugged her shoulders. 

Sighing with a hint of exasperation, Marco continued. “Your blood pressure, body temp, and body mass index are all in the healthy range for an augment. Blood samples show healthy red and white blood cell counts. Urine samples show density and some higher than expected nutrient loss, which we’ll adjust in your cocktail. At some point, regulating the cycles from resting state to full adrenal mode may start to do some serious damage to the body, but so far your systems read fairly normal. I expected it based on the field reports, but it’s good to see in person. I’ve downloaded the full report into your memory cache, so you have a copy for your files. Make sure you review it tonight, and if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask. I’m serious about that last part, Grace.” 

Marco paused again, pointedly waiting for any response. Grace continued to sit with her back straight, eyes blank but focused on his face. Marco wasn’t surprised. Still, he had been hoping for a little more engagement.

“Ok, we’re almost finished here. Just a few more questions.”

Grace gave the barest of nods in return. 

“Have you had any problems with your enhancements, or are there any operational issues that you’d like to mention? We have a full team of specialists on hand to review and fine tune any part of your systems ware. We just need to know where to look.”

Even with these point blank questions, Grace’s attention was wandering in and out on Marco. It was always hard for her to focus on the operational details of her augmentations. She knew they allowed her to do the things she wanted to do, but medical checkups just pissed her off. The questions always left her feeling she was more machine than human. This was different though. She knew Marco and trusted him to do her right.

She thought through her answer and began slowly. “When I’m on the field, the whole right side on my optical drive fuzzes out after the third injection hits. After the fourth or fifth, the left side goes too. I have a 0.3 second hitch between my wind up and release when throwing objects with my left hand. When I’m beyond the range of a transport, sometimes it can take two or three tries connecting to the neural data network, especially when I’m with another augment that joined up after me. It’s like even though I have the key in the ignition, the engine kicks but won’t turn over.” She paused and checked Marco’s expression before adding, “And… sometimes it’s hard for me to power down enough to ‘sleep’ at night.”

She hadn’t admitted it to Miriam, but more often than not, she did feel fucked in the head. Missions had always left her wired into the middle of the night, but now she could run video of her mistakes deep into the morning. And Grace knew this past deployment had fried her last nerve. She had never been particularly patient, but lately she was constantly on edge and wondered if it was normal soldier shit or special augment shit. Likely, it some combination of both, and it worried her. Maybe with Marco as her doc, she would get some real answers to her questions. 

She waited for the older man to finish keying in his notes and felt slightly more at ease. Marco looked tired, a little rumpled around the edges, but that was nothing new. Fifteen years ago, he had had a weary professor’s air about him, too.

“Ok, Grace. Based on your results, you’re cleared for the rest of the day. Your first set of timed physical trials start tomorrow. We’ll measure wear and tear first—treadmill, stationary bike, and infinity pool, all three with and without weights. Check in is by 0700. You’re otherwise free to go.” He checked off a few things on the tablet before he stood up to leave. “Told you it would be pretty painless,” he said, looking at her with a kind smile.

Grace gave him a rare, full smile of her own. “Thanks, Marco. Seeing a friendly face helps. I saw Finn and Miriam on the way over and we’re meeting up later tonight. You free to join?”

“There won’t be any grain alcohol, I trust?” Marco asked with a straight face. 

Grace winced and rolled her eyes. “God, it’s been over ten years already. You’ve really got to let that go.”

“That will never happen, Sergeant. Bringing it up is one of my life joys,” Marco said with cheery satisfaction. “I’ll check in with Patrice, but I should be free. Just send me the details. After you’re dressed, the nurse will stop in to see you out. It’s good seeing you back, Grace,” he said, tossing her an informal salute.

“Thanks, Marco.”

As Grace went about putting her clothes back on, the thought of old folks home with Finn, Miriam, and Marco was… nice. Then she thought of people who were no longer alive. She knew so many, remembering their faces literally made her sick. Probably something she should talk about in the psych eval, right? She tossed the gown into the bin and hit the lights on her way out. Grace winced at the sound of a switch plate cracking under her fingers.

“Sergeant Collingsworth?” a husky voice called through the door.

Shit. “Yes?”

“If you’re ready to leave, I’ll direct you back to the entrance.” 

Grace opened the door and paused before motioning back into the darkened room. “Sure, and also, I might have broken the light switch in the room…”

“What? Ah, I see. No worries,” the stocky middle-aged nurse gave a slight wave of his hand. “Not the first time it’s happened and won’t be the last. We bill augments for damages on the last day. If you’ll follow me?”

_The fuck? _

Seeing her expression, the non-com laughed and continued walking down the hall. Grace snorted and trailed behind Mr. Chuckles. So people joked with augments at Iron Mountain now, too? Given the options, she’d take it.

So far, the day had been smooth sailing. Easy was a nice change. According to the chrono, she had finished her preliminary debrief in 23 minutes, which left her the rest of the afternoon to organize her footlocker and maybe squeeze in some sleep. All the activity in New Haven was better than she hoped. Maybe she really could spend the rest of her two weeks under the radar with one person none the wiser.


	3. Chapter 3

Dani lay on the covers she had tucked into the bunk, top sheet and blanket parallel, corners pressed smooth and tight into a 45 degree fold. It had been over twenty years since she had met that anal retentive Sergeant Major in Montana, and this was the takeaway. Hospital corners. She could imagine his outrage if he could see her now and saluted his memory. She had taken off her boots, but that was the only concession she’d made to ‘respecting’ a made up rack. 

Respect. Dani sighed and recalled the advice Sarah had given her after their visit. _Respect is a waste of time_. After meeting the Sergeant Major, Dani understood Sarah’s intent, but as with so many of the prickly calabaza’s opinions, she didn’t necessarily agree. But it never seemed to matter. It had certainly never changed Sarah’s opinions. Even now, with Sarah long since departed, her reedy voice echoed in Dani’s mind, a reminder of future pasts and yet to comes. Age and loss had given Sarah a fierce forthrightness that had been deeply compelling when it wasn’t off putting. Back in the day, Dani had learned to respect Sarah’s careless, focused intensity. But it had never been Dani’s way. She depended on respect—on the wholehearted giving of it. It was what offset her other way of being. 

When they were little, after she and Diego had read the King Arthur stories, he had teased her relentlessly, calling her ‘una vez y futura reina.’ Even Papi had called her the boss. Worse, as irritating as it was, she couldn’t argue with them. Dani relished the orchestration of a new day, and it turned out she had a gift for telling people what to do. 

This past year, in establishing supply lines and stabilizing the outer settlements, she had really put the press on her people to lock down the territories. And they had. It was never work to ask people to do things that needed doing. Rather, the neat logic of understanding a problem and solving a task efficiently was a comfort zone. It had just never felt as lonely as it had this past year. 

If she had her way, that was all about to change today. It was why she had checked to see if Finn and Miriam had known that Grace was arriving on the noon train. And it’s why she had asked Marco to lead the medical team. As a general rule, she rarely asked for personal favors, but she wasn’t above playing the Commander card. Every rule has its exception, and hers was Grace. Grace was before and after. There was the Grace from lifetimes ago, the woman who heralded the blowing up of her past life. And there was the Grace of this lifetime, the young girl whose shy smiles had been so rare, Dani could count them on one hand those first few years. 

Now, Grace was the woman whose stubborn, quiet, fierceness more often than not, God, la volvía loca. And now she knew she didn’t want a life without that kind of crazy in it. She had long since learned to let go of what might have or should have been. Instead, she simply tried to learn from the past, be in the now, and stay as human as possible. But for Grace, she would go all in. She sent up another short prayer to La Virgen, bargaining a year of prayers in return for some help. Even if it was just a nudge, damn if she wasn’t going to need it.

When Dani finally heard the echo of footsteps in the outer tunnel, she immediately sat up and began pulling on her boots. As she tied the laces, she distractedly noted the state of the worn leather and the scuff marks that had accumulated. And when she was finished with the boots, damn, but those overhead lights could use a little halogen warmth. Daniella Ramos, noticing details when stressed. It would have been funny if it weren’t so predictable, she mused.

Grace made it five meters into the room before she noticed her sitting on the bed and stopped short. “What are you doing here?” Grace asked, effectively masking any emotion under years of military discipline. 

“Just your friendly, neighborhood welcome wagon. It’s a new program we’re working on. Come home alive and get a visit from Dani Ramos,” Dani replied, before loosely clasping her hands in front of her. She drank in the sight of Grace before glancing back down at her fingers. She looked good for having come off tour. That is to say, she looked thin, pale, and exhausted, but she was standing tall and her gaze was steady, if a little guarded. 

Grace didn’t respond, and the long silence stretched out as Dani gathered her thoughts. Now that the moment was here, her practiced delivery was curdling in her throat. A speech wasn’t going to cut it. And Grace wasn’t going to be helping with the communication. This was going to have to be a conversation that she carried. 

Well then, best to get straight to the point.

She started off soft and slow, carving out space from the tense chill that has settled in between the two women. “First, I’m sorry for this surprise.” She motioned to her presence. “You probably don’t want to see me here. But we’ve known each other for awhile, no? You didn’t answer any of my messages, and I—I needed to talk with you… at least one more time.”

Dani looked back towards Grace. She was standing a little tensely, but still listening. “Can I have five minutes?” Dani asked somberly “If you want me to leave after, I will,” she added.

“Ok. You have five minutes.”

Dani gave a humorless laugh, still looking towards Grace. “Right. I’ve been thinking about what to say for months now. But now that we’re here, I don’t want to give you some speech. The number one thing I want you to know is I’m sorry about what I said before you left. I was upset. More than that, I was really just scared. And it came out as me being angry, which I know wasn’t fair. But being angry is a great mask for being scared.” Dani paused and ran her hands through her hair, glancing away before looking back at Grace again. She hadn’t moved an inch, but her eyes were still focused and she was listening. 

Dani continued, “I wasn’t being fair to you. I _do_ treat you differently. If you had been any other soldier, I would have supported you. But you’re not any other solider. You’re my friend. One of the few people who remembers when all of this was just a dream.” She unclenched her hands and tried to relax, settling the palm of her left hand back on the bed. “I couldn’t say this a year ago, but I was scared and angry because I felt I was going to lose you. You’re right. I’m not your mom, and you are free to make your own choices.” She took a deep breath and sighed before getting to her final point. “And I’m sorry for trying to control the situation. Sometimes strengths are weaknesses. I don’t know. Or I do know. You deserved better from me.”

She closed her eyes briefly and accepted the silence before she finally rose to her feet. “You don’t have to say anything. I’ve just needed to say this to you. So thanks,” Dani said. She gave a small nod and began walking towards the tunnel, making sure her pathway wouldn’t intersect with Grace.

“Wait. Are you here as the Commander or as Dani?”

“I said Dani at the start, no?”

“I just wanted to check.” Grace paused before calling out to Dani’s retreating figure. “Dani… you don’t have to leave.” 

Dani stopped walking and turned to look back. 

“You said you’re sorry, but did you miss me?” Grace asked in a low searching voice.

When she saw the vulnerability in Grace’s eyes, Dani’s heart dropped along with any façade of dispassion. “Oh Grace. Yes, of course I did. How could I not?” she asked, sadness seeping into her voice.

Dani furrowed her brow as she met Grace’s gaze. 

“Y tú? How about you?”

“Yeah. It’s kind of crazy, but I missed having someone boss me around.” 

Dani laughed and felt a prickle in her eyes. “You’re going to regret saying that, you know.”

“No I’m not,” Grace said with one of her quarter smiles. “Will you come over here?”

Dani slowly began walking back, and Grace met her half way until they were standing a foot apart. 

“I forgot how tall you are.”

Grace shrugged. “Is that because you’re so short?”

“God, you’re annoying. I was going to give you a hug, but now I’m not so sure.”

“How about if I said I was sorry?” Grace asked softly.

“You don’t have to,” Dani murmured, wrapping her arms around Grace and resting her head against the other woman’s chest. They stood there together for several minutes, Dani pressing into Grace, her fingers firmly massaging the solid mass of Grace’s back. The younger woman felt different and not different at the same time. She was solemn and harder, but more delicate, too. 

“Seriously Dani, I’m sorry for the things I said, too.”

Dani stepped back and looked into Grace’s face. Grace’s eyes had always been the key to Dani’s understanding of the quiet young woman. Today was no different. Her impassivity had dropped to reveal a swirl of emotions, hurt and confusion now leavened with relief.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Grace shook her head. “Not really.”

“What if I talked about it then?”

“Could I stop you?”

“Not really.”

They both started to laugh, and Dani began to feel just a tiny bit lighter as the tension between them eased. This was a start, and a more hopeful one than she had imagined. She motioned back to the bunk where they could both sit down and Grace nodded in acquiescence. As they walked towards the bed, Dani kept her arm around Grace’s waist and leaned into her side. She wasn’t ready to let go, yet.


	4. Chapter 4

Dani sat in the same spot and waited. Grace looked down with a small frown before she finally took a seat beside her. Once again, Dani reminded herself that, having started this, the load was hers to carry. She looked over and thought about what to say. On the one hand, she knew Grace like family. After all these years, in some ways she knew Grace better than her biological family. But there were parts of the younger woman that were so closed off. Get too close, and Grace wouldn’t give you any warning. She would wait until you were finished and then walk away. Push too hard, and she would stay away.

“So, you’re really ok to talk about this some more? We don’t have to if ...”

“We can talk. Just, don’t try to win?”

Knowing how rarely Grace asked for anything, Dani softened at the request and opened her palms. “Sure, chica. I promise, nothing fancy. So, this between us,” Dani motioned between the two of them, “it starts with the augmentation, no? The soldiers—you—are making a difference in the settlements. We’re finally building topside. Once we get a solar power source, chances are we beat Legion once and for all. But I also see the numbers, Grace,” Dani said grimly. 

“An augmented soldier is five times more likely to die. And that’s down from a year ago,” she continued. “It’s why the screening protocol is so crazy. An exemplary record of following and executing command.” Dani paused glumly. “No dependents.”

“You’re forgetting the interviews,” Grace cut in, her voice arch.

“Yes. You know, I’m going to ask you about those interviews later. After this talk,” Dani said, just barely stopping herself from bumping shoulders with Grace out of habit.

“Can’t wait.”

Dani smiled faintly before continuing. “I try to meet with all the candidates. Our screening protocols work. The volunteers are smart enough to be afraid, but they still want to fight.” Dani’s eyes turned flinty and she didn’t bother to hide her bitterness. “And that’s our system. Our best soldiers step forward, we authorize it, and the war chews them up. There’s no sugar coating it. We need this program. But I hate, _hate_ that we lose people, either in surgery or later to the machines.”

“I know you hate losing people,” Grace said quietly. “Everyone knows that, Dani. But this is the world we live in. More of us would be dead if we didn’t have… this.” 

Grace flexed her hand into a fist and opened it again. “I used to think death was the worst part about Judgment Day. It wasn’t. It was after that. When life became cheap. But this world that we’re building is worth something. I don’t regret volunteering because it’s worth dying for, a million times over.”

Dani sighed. “I know. That’s the problem.”

“Yeah. It’s always been the problem between us. I want the fight. And you’ve always wanted something else for me,” Grace said, frustration coloring her voice. 

“I guess I wish you had just talked to me first. Instead of finding out from Marco in the Medbay,” Dani said defensively.

“Like I said, I didn’t want to fight you about it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that when I wanted to join the Army, you made me wait until I was 18.”

“Like you’re going to let a thirteen year old fight Terminators?” Dani asked incredulously.

Grace shook her head. “I was the only kid in the militia back then. Besides that, I could have joined at 16, certainly 17. And once I did join, it was five years before I was on active combat units.”

“There is plenty of action in support roles, and you know it, Grace.”

“I’m not arguing it, I’m just pointing out some historical facts regarding my service,” Grace said dispassionately.

Dani raised a finger in the air, but dropped it when she saw Grace’s face begin to close. “I wanted you to know all your options,” Dani said. “And you’re right. I wish the thing you wanted to do didn’t put your life at risk. Does that really make me a such a terrible person?”

“You know I could say the same thing about you? You do the same thing.”

Dani looked over quizzically.

“You put your life at risk, too.”

“What are you talking about?”

“What do you mean…? When we first met, you couldn’t go three months without needing to get patched up.”

Dani shook her head dismissively. “That doesn’t count. I’ve been stuck behind a desk for years.”

“Fort Meade,” Grace countered.

“Fort Meade was a critical tech extraction mission that went sideways.”

Grace scoffed. “A leader needs to lead, and they can’t do that if they’re doing stupid shit. At Fort Meade, you drew an entire squad of terminators after you and nearly got yourself killed. And the regulars weren’t doing … we were just holding the line on the flanks for the augmented soldiers.”

“That’s such bullshit, Grace. The regulars—you made a difference that day. Dios mío, you were part of the drop team. You think we could have completed that mission without everyone there fighting their asses off?” Dani demanded.

“No. But I know we wouldn’t have completed the mission at all if we didn’t have augmented soldiers. And you’re still ignoring what I’m saying. You put yourself in danger all the time.”

“I’m not denying that,” Dani said.

“Really?”

“Really. You’re right. So maybe I’m a hypocrite. If the shoe fits, I’ll wear it.” Dani said defensively, straightening her back.

“We are the soldiers, Dani. You’re the Commander,” Grace said quietly.

“And the Commander is above getting her hands dirty? No. A leader should be willing to do anything they ask their people to do.”

Grace fell silent. 

“Well?” Dani prompted. She knew she was pushing, but she felt in her element, now.

“I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m just saying that as an augmented soldier, I have more impact. I can make more of a difference. That’s why I chose to become an augmented soldier, Dani. I know I said I want the fight, but just to be clear, I meant the machines. I hate fighting with _you_,” Grace said pointedly.

“Have you forgotten our debates over the greatest wizard of all time?” Dani tossed back.

“See? There. That’s exactly what I mean. I don’t have the _words_, Dani. I can’t win with you.” Grace said heatedly, frustration clouding her face.

Dani immediately backpedaled, chagrinned. “Hey, I’m sorry. I said I would… you’re right, I’m sorr—.” 

“You don’t have to be sorry, Dani. This is who you are,” Grace cut in. “But I made my choice and I’m going to continue making my choices. I know I’m good enough at tech shit, but I don’t want to engineer in a lab. I don’t want to sit at a desk and code or break code. I don’t want to build things up in the outposts. I’ve done all of it, and I know how important those things are, but I don’t want to do them. I want to do the thing that I’m doing. And if I have to do that on my own, I will,” she said with finality.

Silence stretched between the two women. This was it. The thing that Dani had missed, God help her. Grace being a pain in her ass, again, just by being herself. 

“You realize this is hard for me, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And I _do_ respect your choices, but I’m not going to be perfect at just keeping my opinions to myself?”

“I’m asking for your support, Dani, not a miracle.”

“Dios mio, puedes ser tan malo, también?”

“What do you think?”

Dani paused. Over the years, as the resistance had grown, her role as the de facto leader had grown heavier. Anchoring her people meant that every decision made, every action taken, it was all on public notice. These past few years, there were just a handful of people she could turn to who would challenge her, and Grace was always one of them. 

“Sometimes, yeah,” she sighed. “Sometimes you _do_ have to be honest about it. Thick skull, you know?” she smiled ruefully, tapping the left side of her head. She turned to look at Grace. “You drive me loca, you know that? I wouldn’t want it to get to your head, but it’s not every day someone calls bullshit on the Commander.” 

Grace’s eyes widened slightly at this unexpected admission. “Who are you and what have you done with Dani?” she asked skeptically.

“Callate. I’m trying to give you a complement, and this is what I get?”

“Just making up for lost time.” 

They both paused at that last bit before Grace finally bumped their shoulders together.

“Besides, I learned that last bit from a woman I met when I was a kid. She was kind of nutty,“ Grace said with a small grin, “but I managed to pick up a few good ideas from her anyway.” 

“Nutty? What the fuck does that mean?” Dani asked with faux indignation.

“She had all sorts of crazy ideas, but the big one was calling bullshit on our lazy asses.”

“I wouldn’t say lazy.”

“How about scared?”

“Hmmm. Shocked?”

“Scared. She called bullshit on our scared asses, told us we didn’t have to be afraid, and showed us we had a choice.”

“Damn, she sounds amazing.”

“Eh, if you’re into that kind of thing.”

Dani grinned, torn between not wanting to stop the banter, but needing to know. “Are we ok?” she asked, her hand itching to touch Grace, make contact, connect.

Grace nodded. “You called me a friend earlier?” she said, finally shifting her whole body to face Dani. She looked down and took in the sight of the other woman looking at her with a familiar, soft worried look. Gently, Grace brushed aside a few strands of hair that had fallen into Dani’s eyes.

“Well, we just had the one night, and it was ... I didn’t want to presume…”

“I’m ok with presuming if you are,” Grace said shyly. 

Dani’s expression shifted from worry to something a little more wanting. She settled her left hand on Grace’s shoulder and drew the two of them closer together. What began as a hesitant kiss slowly turned into something more pressing and urgent. Dani reveled in the soft sweetness of Grace’s lips against her own. Finally, Grace broke the kiss and smiled down at Dani, only to give an exaggerated ‘oof’ as Dani pushed her back onto the bed.

“I take it that’s a yes?”

“Yes, that’s a yes.”


	5. Chapter 5

After stepping into the room, Grace had taken one look at Dani and braced for a fight, but instead of an ambush, she had received an apology. In return, she decided to power down her retinal interface. In spite of human biases, she knew that she wanted human memories right now, not a record. Frowning in irritation at her train of thought, she turned her attention back to Dani. 

It didn’t take a telescoping lens to note the growing web of crow’s feet and worry lines on Dani’s face. But Dani’s listless gaze and the new, subtle slump to her shoulders were an honest to God shock. She looked more tired than Grace could ever remember seeing her. Later, as Dani continued to speak, stoic and steady, yet weary, Grace felt a shift. Some part of her was returning home, and no surprise either, to discover that her feelings for Dani, revealed, were just as strong as ever. 

At 13, Grace had been caught off guard by her rescuer’s bashful introduction. She had been quick to recover though, and stayed wary of the older woman for months, doubting everything Dani offered. The lessons she had learned on her own were indelible, impossible to forget. But month after month, Dani continued to just be… Dani. Forceful and opinionated. Curious and teasing. Generous with care and inexplicably gentle with Grace. 

Teenage Grace saw the Commander as an avenging angel sent down from heaven, transferring her determination into the shriveled husks of the forlorn and sharing light with the lost. That hero worship had been a damned hard habit to break—at least until they had started fighting in her early twenties. Oddly enough, Dani had always welcomed these battles, no matter how heated they had gotten. Or rather, she had until their last argument. 

Now, Grace’s mind was a maelstrom, firing in all directions. Talking with—no, _forgiving_ each other was overwhelming after slamming the door on her feelings for so long. It would have been enough to stand there with Dani in her arms, but Grace knew how much care Dani was putting into her words, and frankly she was a little dazed. Dani had threaded the needle. They had moved past the night that must not be named and were somehow back to the night that had no name. 

As their latest kiss ended, Dani drifted the palms of her hands down Grace’s chest, and her eyes flicked hungrily to Grace’s lips, assessing her next move. Grace took the opportunity to catch her breath and memorize this very, very human moment. God, she wanted to get on with it. Flip Dani on her back, get them both naked, and give in to the pleasure of running her fingers over every inch of Dani’s bare skin. Yet she couldn’t ignore the one question that had niggled at her for the past year. It demanded an answer even as the rest of her howled over suddenly wanting to talk _now_. 

She had thought this was over, so how was it Dani still wanted her? It didn’t make any sense. She sighed in defeat, shifting and jostling her body until the other woman lost her balance. Grace sent a short prayer to Saint Joseph and turned to a flushed and flustered Dani.

“Dani?”

“Yes?” 

“What are we doing?”

“We were kissing?” Dani offered lightheartedly. “No, wait, that’s not a question. We were kissing,” she amended. She turned to look at Grace before hesitating. “I thought this was ok?”

“It is. I mean,” Grace sighed. “Of course its ok. But,” she added reluctantly, “I’m sorry. I just… ” Grace couldn’t think of the words she wanted to say and her face began to flush for an entirely different reason.

As the silence stretched on, Dani’s grin slowly faded and she glanced away, confusion warring with contrition.

Grace felt terrible, like she was a teenage rube, or worse, a tease. She fell onto her back, covered her eyes with one hand, and gave a low, frustrated growl. 

“This was a lot for one day. Maybe we shouldn’t have …” Dani murmured, and began to straighten her rucked up uniform.

“No, Dani. It’s not that.” Grace started cursing to herself. Why did she have to open her mouth? She wasn’t golden-tongued like Dani, able to express her feelings on a dime.

“You’ve just gotten back and I haven’t even—I mean, you probably have other plans…”

“Dani, stop. Please listen to me.” Grace reached out to catch Dani’s hand. As Dani made to stand up, Grace twined their fingers and gave a squeeze. 

“I like the kissing. Just like I like you—being here. This is—can you just wait for me to talk?” Grace asked. 

Dani’s face was immediately solicitous and Grace gave an internal groan.

“Fuck,” she said under her breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.“

Dani gave her a doubtful frown.

Grace tried to bring them back to the topic at hand. “Please stay here, Dani? ¿Sientense, por favor, y darme cinco minutos?”

“Pues… ¿Cómo puedo decir quo no a eso?” Dani finally replied, giving Grace’s fingers a squeeze in return before they sat back up.

Grace knew what she wanted to say, but finding the right words felt impossible. Ironically, trying to speak in Spanish was easier. “Esa cosa en total es una mas sorprisa. No es una malo cosa, pero yo no hago, no expectarlo. Yo…

“Grace, you’re being very sweet, but you can speak to me in English. I’m listening.”

Grace sighed and started again. “Did I make any sense?”

“I got the idea,” Dani replied, slowly relaxing, a small smile back on her face.

“Dani, I do want this. You have no idea. But there’s something I need to understand first. I know if I don’t talk about it, I’m not being honest, and I need to be honest with you.”

Dani nodded slowly. 

“When I walked in the room just now and saw you, I thought you were going to ream me out.” Grace saw a look pass over the other woman’s face. 

“Dani, whatever you’re thinking, please stop… beating yourself up. I’m not you, so the words aren’t going to be perfect, but I need to say what’s on my mind.”

Dani pressed her lips together, but she didn’t interrupt.

“I’m not upset about what happened. I meant what I said about being sorry, and I know you are, too. The thing is, I still can’t figure out why you were so… upset.” Grace glanced imploringly at Dani before she continued. 

“After the surgery, I kept reminding myself the important thing was I’d be able to fight, to really make a difference. But I couldn’t look at myself in a mirror. I could barely eat or dress without breaking or shredding half the things I touched. I had no idea what being an augment would actually be like. I thought I’d made a mistake, but I couldn’t say that to anyone.”

In between the haze of painkillers, follow up surgeries, and rehab, she had been spiraling into a deep depression. Every time she had looked down at her hands, it was as if her scars were attached to the corrosive weight she carried inside. She hadn’t seen Dani since the complete FUBAR landing. She hadn’t heard much from her friends either. They were still hacking away at tech from the Fort Meade raid and were walking zombies when she did see them. 

“But one night, I woke up and saw you in my room, sleeping in a chair, and I remembered, really remembered why I’d volunteered.”

Dani’s braids had been cut off, and she looked more than a little Frankenstein wrapped up in gauze bandages, but she was _alive_. Grace had been torn between waking Dani up and letting her sleep. Of course, she had chosen the latter, and Dani was gone by morning. But seeing Dani was the kind of reminder she had needed. No, she wasn’t ready to give up. Yes, she still wanted to stick around. And if she was sticking around, she didn’t have any choice but to fight. 

The next day, she started taking rehab seriously and began to relearn her five senses. She figured out how to carry an extra 150 pounds of weight, give or take. She learned how to sync to her retinal interface. She had even gotten used to modulating the metabolic crashes that came after balls to the wall fighting. There had been some more awkward visits from friends, which Grace appreciated more than she could say. And after another month, she had seen Dani again, sitting in the same chair, this time without her bandages. 

“When we finally talked, I knew you’d be a little angry, but then it all went a little crazy. When you stopped—you wouldn’t even look at me, at the end.” Grace’s voice cracked and she looked down at their hands. “I thought maybe you were disgusted by what I had done, that you didn’t want to look me because I was a machine. Like you said, we’ve known each other a long time, but I’ve never seen you… upset like that. That’s the reason why I didn’t respond to any of your messages,” Grace continued quietly. “It just hurt too much, thinking that you felt that way about me.”

“Graciela, no,” Dani whispered, her face stricken in dismay.

“I know you don’t feel that way, now. I mean, probably not,” Grace shrugged uncomfortably. “But if you did feel that way last year, but changed your mind, you can tell me. I just want to know the truth.” 

Silence fell between them. Grace was now the patient one, waiting for Dani, who continued to look at a loss for words. “I’m so, so sorry, Grace. If I had known you felt that way, I—I don’t know. I was not in a good place then, but I’d like to think I would have gotten over myself sooner.” She tried to withdraw her hand, but Grace stopped her with a reassuring squeeze. “Dios, antes me sentía como un idiota, pero ahora me siento como un pendejo,” she groaned to herself. 

Dani gave a troubled sigh, saved the self-recriminations for later, and pulled herself together. “You’re asking for a reason why, but I don’t quite know all of it myself. You’re—I hope you know this, you’re such a big part of my life. My feelings for you, especially when I’m worried, it’s very intense, and it gets hard for me to think … ” Dani gave a strangled laugh. “So, that’s one part. I’m reacting to intense emotions. I think another part of it was having the feeling that, somehow because of me, you choose to volunteer. Maybe it’s a big ego trip, too many years as “The Commander,” but it’s true.” Dani paused and added softly, “Before Judgment Day, my mother, my brother, my father—they all died because of me. So, the truth is, I also felt this hammer of _guilt_, because of my past, and some of that, I think, transferred you. And yes, I know that’s unfair, but it’s what I was feeling. And there’s another part, too. I was angry at myself for Fort Meade—it was important that we take it, but I didn’t realize the cost would be so high, _too_ high… So I had worry, guilt, and anger about all of these things that I’d been carrying for weeks, and I just… lost control.”

Dani looked torn before she finally said, “And I’ve been trying to say this, but maybe I can be more clear. You’re so important to me, Grace. And a year ago, suddenly, I felt so much closer to losing you. And there was nothing I could say or do to stop it. That’s why I was so upset. But I want you to know you have never, _ever_ been anything but beautiful to me, Grace.”

“Yo no tengo las palabras en ingles tampoco…” Dani adjusted their hands so that she could trace the faint white lines by Grace’s knuckles. “Tus hermosas manos, tan fuerte y delicado.” She drew Grace’s hands up and began kissing the knuckles, taking her time as she slowly moved from one knuckle to the next. Dani then turned to look up at Grace, her eyes dark and serious. “Su cuello, como un cisne,” she whispered, moving in to leave soft nips and kisses along her neck. “La nariz… la frente… tus mejilles… tus labios siempre tan serios,” she said, laying a gentle kiss on each part that was named. “Y no he olvidados tus orejas pequeñas,” she said, nibbling gently on a lobe and brushing her tongue lightly against the rim of Grace’s right ear. “O tu pelo,” she added running her fingers through Grace’s hair and massaging her scalp. “Y siempre tus ojos son el océano al que regreso a casa,” she finished, placing a final kiss in the hollow below each of Grace’s eyes.

“Does that answer your question?” Dani asked softly.

“Yes,” Grace answered, her eyes suddenly blurring with tears. “Thank you,” Grace said, giving Dani another long hug. As they sat there holding each other, Grace finally loosened her hold on the emotional tidal wave she had been keeping back. She had been so afraid those emotions would flatten everything they touched, but here, by some miracle, there was merely a feeling of release. For the first time in months, she felt a settling inside, some living thing in her heart shifting towards the light. 

After several more minutes of silence had passed, looking somewhat hesitant, Dani asked, “Do you have any other questions for me?” 

“Maybe we can find someplace more private?” Grace asked.

“We’re actually already somewhere private. I checked earlier. You’re the only one assigned here tonight, and I asked the front desk to make sure nobody else comes in until we leave.”

Grace gently brushed at the worry lines on Dani’s brow and asked, “Would you maybe still be interested in… more kissing?“ Everything about their encounter was a whipsaw of emotions, but her body was still feeling the thrumming buzz of their earlier kisses, was still ready for something more. 

“Are you sure?” Dani asked uncertainly. “We can—“

“I’ve never been so sure of anything. I want this. And I want you.”

Grace had no problems with being direct once she knew what she wanted, and she finally knew exactly what she wanted.

Dani nodded, surprised. Grace mirrored her with a small, serious nod before dipping her head to give Dani a brief, intense kiss. 

“Dios, sí. I never thought I’d be the one to say this, but if we’re done with talking, maybe we can just stop talking for once?”

Grace didn’t bother to reply. She simply smiled and pulled Dani back down with her on the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is slow going, but here's the next chapter. I am using Google translate for help, so if you see errors in the text, please let me know and I'll correct in the next go round (though Grace's Spanish is supposed to be terrible...). Also, some updates to previous chapters... Thanks for enjoying Dani + Grace! Also, streaming and DVD is releasing in Jan., so if you haven't seen the film, maybe try it out. ;)


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